What It Is
Narcissism isn’t, as many believe, simply about self-love. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a defensive system built to protect the self from ever having to face feelings of inadequacy, shame, or vulnerability. At its root, narcissism is the brain saying:
“I will build a fortress of superiority so nothing — especially my own self-doubt — can get in.”
The narcissistic mind operates on one simple principle: if I am always right, always special, always admired, then I never have to feel weak. Praise becomes essential fuel; criticism is treated as a personal attack; any threat to self-image must be neutralised immediately. The brain creates a highly polished, carefully managed version of the self — and demands that everyone else participate in the fantasy.
In evolutionary terms, a small dose of this self-protective confidence was useful for taking risks and asserting dominance in competitive environments. But when the Nincompoop brain gets hold of it and cranks up the dial, the result is something far more exhausting to witness — and to live with.
How The Nincompoop Mind Exaggerates It
This is where the usual suspects from the Nincompoop operating system come into play.
Projection becomes king. Any flaw, weakness, or failure is automatically displaced onto others. If something goes wrong, it’s because others were incompetent, jealous, unfair, or ungrateful. The narcissist never directly faces their own shortcomings — everyone else carries that weight for them.
Cognitive dissonance does its usual magic. When reality threatens to puncture the self-image, the brain simply rewrites the story:
“I wasn’t rejected — they didn’t appreciate my brilliance.”
Confirmation bias kicks in constantly. The narcissist surrounds themselves with people, information, and narratives that reinforce their greatness. Any contradictory evidence is either ignored or attacked.
Tribalism joins the mix too, though in this case, the tribe is often just themself. Loyalty to their own ego is absolute. Others are either allies who feed the fantasy, or enemies who threaten it.
And, of course, lazy thinking contributes its share — because reflecting honestly on one’s own flaws requires effort, discomfort, and humility. The narcissistic mind can’t afford that kind of work.
What It Feels Like
From the outside, narcissism looks like arrogance. From the inside, it’s far more fragile than it appears.
Narcissists live in a permanent state of emotional self-defence. Every interaction is a performance designed to maintain control over how they’re seen. Praise feels like oxygen; any perceived slight feels like suffocation.
They may feel restless, empty, or irritable when admiration fades — because without external validation, their carefully built identity starts wobbling. Criticism, even well-meaning or minor, feels like an existential threat.
Oddly enough, many narcissists aren’t walking around feeling grand and powerful — they’re trapped inside a mental castle they’ve built to keep fear out, constantly patching up cracks in the walls.
What It Could Look Like If Understood Properly
The Nincompoop lens sees narcissism not as evil, but as yet another form of the brain’s desperate attempt to protect itself from pain — only this time, by inflating rather than shutting down.
The task isn’t to attack the narcissist for their arrogance, but to understand that their self-aggrandisement is a shield built on fear of worthlessness. Confronting a narcissist with their flaws rarely works — it simply triggers the defence system.
What breaks the cycle, slowly and painfully, is for the narcissist to let moments of vulnerability exist — admitting flaws, doubts, mistakes — without feeling like their entire identity will collapse.
In many ways, narcissism is simply all of us, on a bad day, taken to extreme. We all defend our self-image. We all rewrite narratives to protect our pride. We all prefer praise over criticism. The narcissist’s tragedy is that they’ve made these universal instincts the foundation of their identity — while most people have the luxury of pretending they don’t.