Motivated Reasoning: Why Your Brain Is a Lying, Bootlicking Coward
Motivated reasoning is what happens when the brain, instead of being a noble truth-seeking machine, turns into a spineless yes-man wearing a clown suit. It doesn’t care about facts. It cares about feelings. Comfort. Ego. Being right, even when it’s dead wrong.
It’s not “I believe this because it’s true.”
It’s “I believe this because otherwise, I might have to change… and I’d rather die.”
The Brain: A PR Agent for Your Bullshit
The brain isn’t your lawyer. It’s your publicist. Got a bad opinion? Don’t worry — your brain will cherry-pick nonsense from Reddit, TikTok, or the ass-crack of the internet to make it sound profound.
It’s not thinking. It’s rebranding your stupidity.
Examples of Motivated Reasoning in All Their Glorious Idiocy:
Politics
Karen loves her candidate. When he gets caught funneling bribe money through a crypto rug pull? “It’s fake news! Deep state! Cancel culture!”
But when the other guy posts a blurry selfie with a weird facial expression, Karen’s like, “See? Psychopath.”
Her brain isn’t looking for truth — it’s just trying to make her political crush look less like a Bond villain.
Health and Diet
Chad eats like a dumpster raccoon. Then he finds a blogspot article from 2006 that says bacon prevents cancer. Boom. That’s science now.
Meanwhile, when a doctor with three degrees says, “You should maybe eat a vegetable,” Chad replies, “Doctors are paid by Big Broccoli.”
Relationships
Josh is dating a red flag with teeth. She yells, cheats, and once burned his hoodie in a ritual.
But his brain, desperate for love (and boobs), goes: “She’s just passionate. It’s actually trauma-bonding. Very deep.”
Spending
Maya drops $700 on “manifestation crystals,” then says it’s an investment.
Her rent is late. She owns four copies of The Secret.
When someone suggests budgeting, she blocks them for “negative energy.”
Why It Hurts (and Why It Works)
Motivated reasoning is how grown adults end up:
- Defending conspiracy theories from Facebook uncles,
- Justifying cult-like crypto schemes,
- Or insisting their cat understands English “but just chooses not to respond.”
It’s the intellectual equivalent of farting in an elevator and blaming a ghost.
Bottom Line
Everyone does it. Left, right, rich, poor, tofu-loving vegans and gym bros — all of them.
Motivated reasoning is your brain grabbing the wheel, flooring it, and yelling, “I’d rather crash than admit I took the wrong exit.”
So the next time someone doubles down on a dumb opinion, remember:
They’re just running outdated firmware on a meat calculator desperate to protect its pride.
And if that someone is you?
Congratulations. You’ve just met the real idiot behind the screen.